Portuguese New Years!

So, it was the day after christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse! Oh, how I wish there was even a mouse! London in December is abysmal. I couldn't take it. The sun was gone. The people were gone. The commerce was gone. The good programming was gone. All signs of life as we knew it had ended and all that remained was...Carry On films, far too many left-overs and my rambuctious child desperate to get out and play NOW (and by the way, it's always now).

I could feel our happy little nest veering towards a Bergman climax.So,we did what lots of loving families do when they're at home having bonding time, we left! Dec. 27, buy a ticket. Dec 28, board a plane!

After the headlines of the last year, Portugal was not my first choice as a parent...but we avoided the Algarve (quite frankly, I'm from Florida and the thought of having to PAY to watch fat white people on the beach is where I draw the line). Instead, we did a lastminute holiday 'in Lisbon'. As I learned from our Dublin Adventures (see blog), 'in Lisbon' means 'almost in Spain'.

Luckily for us, Lisbon turned out to be a dump! Upon arrival in the airport, I found myself eyeballing everyone mostly because they were eyeballing my child...but I realized (I hope) they were actually checking to see it wasn't the girl from the headlines but one is never sure...

We picked up our car and drove out to our resort in Sintra, which as it turns out is the STAR of Portugal!!! It's INCREDIBLY charming. In fact, it is THE charming town in Portugal!

Upon arrival, I keep thinking I am in Boca Raton. It's all pink gated golf communities and little red men speaking german or english wandering around with shorts hidden under their bellies...

but all that changes dramatically when you near the old town of Sintra Centro. As the car winds up through the tree lined mountains, one feels like one is being whisked away to a magical medieval principality. Sintra's old town surrounds the Sintra Castle (which dates back to the birth of Portugal as an independant society). One sees a heavy moorish influence in the beautiful recurring patterned tiled floors and walls, courtyards and particularly in the kitchen, where if you look up, you might feel you are in Star Wars. The kitchen is essentially two large funnels sliced open at the top opening directly to the sky.

On the other hand, you are frequently reminded that you are in a European kingdom by the beds in ormolu and covered in small shrine-like paintings, the heavy baroque wooden chests and flat proto-renaissance portraits.


disclaimer:I do not know these people. They wouldn't move, it serves them right.



Compared to other European capitals and palaces, Sintra isn't that great...and all the tiling seems well, a little bit more downscale brooklyn-italian than Kalifate Spain. UNTIL you get to...surprise, the library. A handpainted wood paneled ceiling, and walls with large and beautifully done blue and white tiles telling stories of the history, conquests and trades of Portugals great sea-faring knights in the new world.




After the palace, we go for a bit of lunch at the Cafe de Paris across the street. It's in a row of restaurants next to the palace, so I have VERY low expectations but am happily surprised to receive a delicious meal for a decent price and brilliant customer service! We see quite quickly that like most latin countries, the Portuguese love children and our waiter shares stories of his children with us, after handing our daughter a few busying snacks. We wander the charming stores. Thick horse blankets, majollicaware, as well as the customary kitch kitchen tourist stuff are all up for sale starting at 1 euro and the antique shops are shockingly well valued.



We go home and slumber that wonderful siesta that one can only sleep in hot countries. One where nothing matters and when you wake up you know that there might be the smell of garlic or saffron inviting you into the kitchen and something cold made in a blender will invite the blue hour to linger.

The next day we decided to go to Lisbon.

What a mistake.

Lisbon is dodgy.

Everyone in Lisbon is dodgy.

I keep feeling like I'm in Central America except... this isn't what happened after the Spaniards abandoned the country. The prices in Lisbon reflect first world EU prices but the service, cleanliness, food, dodginess...do not. It doesn't help that we've made two cardinal sins. One: DO NOT DRIVE A CAR TO OR IN LISBON. The whole town is built like that one windy death-trap block you keep seeing in movies about San Francisco!!! Secondly, DO NOT -NEVER-TAKE A STROLLER TO LISBON! Again, everyone was very nice but there are NO Sidewalks. THE WHOLE TOWN IS BUILT LIKE THAT ONE WINDY DEATH TRAP BLOCK IN SAN FRANCISCO!



However, positive attitude, we thought...well, if it's tough to walk, let's take a bus tour. So, we hop on the red tram and just a block from our start, we are notified there has been an accident involving a tram front of us and they have to wait for the authorities to come and for the vehicles to move. It could be 15 minutes or 2 hours, one never knows, says our operator. So, after about 10 minutes, we and the Germans (who obviously also have little faith in the portuguese way of doing things) are given our refunds and hop off. I might note that the fifteen french folks stayed on the train (I guess it's all what you're used to). Just as we part ways and are mid-street cross. The cops show up, the cars are moved and all of us carrying various wares, backpacks, strollers, canes, etc. hop back on the tram!


This was a foolish decision because no more than 500 metres from this spot, we stop again and are about to go through the same scenario! I ask the driver if these sorts of accidents are that common in Lisbon and he responds without missing a beat that they usually occur about 5 times a day!

So, we stay on the tram with our frenchy pals, who are actually taking photos of themselves in the tram waiting as part of the adventure. I have now named them 'Bronzes fait Portugal' (ref. to france's version of Natl Lampoons)! The rest of the day is spent 'enjoying' our two hour tour (which as I just mentioned took the entire rest of the day).


Tuesday and Wednesday, we spent recovering from Lisbon, swimming in the gorgeous Sintra Grande's Pool and wandering over to super charming Cais Cais (pronounced Cash Cash-perhaps because you've got to have Cash Cash to go to all the restaurants there).


cais cais


Cais Cais is an old cobbled seaside fisherman's town, which now has quite a few streets full of charming restaurants. A Brazilian style sushi and Italian Fisherman's restaurant (same restaurant) is where we go for our lunch and it is fantastic at 10 pounds for all you can eat sushi made to the chef's taste in front of you. Everyone in the restaurant and I think most of Cais Cais is Brazilian, which is what inspires us to eat dinner at the whole-in-the-wall family Churrascurro buffet that evening. For only 8 Euros each (including an acceptable glass of wine), it's an absolute ball and so Brazilian: there's widescreen football matches during our meal as well as waiters trying to entice my child with all sorts of flan concoctions.

more cais cais casbah...

Thursday, we'd promised ourselves to give Lisbon the old college try again. Maybe without a car and following the guidebook, things might be better. I was wrong. We start out at Pastetto's, a cafe which serves dried out pastries and little sand cookies but has great people watching on a bustling square. Well, if I have to feel like I'm in Latin America, atleast this feels like Buenos Aires!

Back to the tourism: just five minutes walk, we pass through the human den of beggars into Sao Vicenzo's beautiful red-raw interiors. What an incredible church. We, then, take a tram up to the Castello, which everyone has recommended.

WHAT A JIP! The Castello is just a shell. So what. Yeah, great view. Was it worth the hour tram ride? No.


typical wine bar in Alfama (if only it were as nice outside)


But hey, maybe we're hungry. We hit a charming blue and white tiled wine bar/cafe for a quick lunch (but quick is not a portuguese word, so by now...two more hours have passed). All the Portuguese have raved about Alfama as the best district to visit. In my opinion, this would be the equivalent of a New Yorker telling tourists not to miss Harlem. Harlem is the best place to see in New York.

Alfama...or as Bette Davis would say...'what a dump'!
We spend the rest of the afternoon treacherously winding down dingy back alleys visiting the only significant sites we can find...the churches, because we've now realized that aside from the Coach Museum, churches are the only historic sites worth seeing in Lisbon! We go from the Igreia Sao Tiao to the Igreia de Santa Luzia to the Igreia de Sao Miguel to the Igreia de Santo Estevao. I never want to see another Igreia again in my life.
Alfama is beautiful sign, couldn't fit garbage mountain in shot


What I remember most is...playing soccer with a bunch of youths, so that I could pass with the stroller into what turned out to be a locked church, the sign stating Alfama was becoming even more beautiful next to a 10 ft high mountain of garbage bags, far too many cats and my husband deciding to change our baby in front of a large number of teenage gang members! Bad choice, I'd say...

I will also never forget that church, which they were standing next to, in their chanty village was covered in gold. I mean the walls were gold, the altar, the statues, the surrounds were covered in 14 K new world wealth while there were stores down the street that sold gas for heating their houses! As a christian, this sort of thing usually ticks me off...but hey, it's Lisbon. Maybe it's better in the church, because I suppose if you spread the wealth with the corruption and sexism, it'd all wind up back in one's person's pocket after not too long...

So, thankfully by now, it's nightfall, so we can leave...well, we hop on the first tram we see and wind up in Baixa, which by the way, if I were you, is the only part worth seeing. Just go to Baixa, wander the streets and have coffee in as many cafes as you can...otherwise, save your money and go to Porto or Madeira! I realize that I may have sounded quite vitriolic in the last paragraph, so I won't tell you the incident where I actually took a photo of the man sitting next to us because I am convinced he was either a pedi or someone who killed in the past (maybe for pay, maybe not). I wish I was kidding during this last bit...

Okay, enough negativity, we're back at our fab pad, complete with our own supersized balcony and mojitos and dinner at a Michelin restaurant in Sintra (it seems there are a few in Sintra and Cais Cais).




Mafra was the only cultural place we hadn't seen and Mafra Palace is worth the trip!! It's so weird and wonderful! Truly a bizarre Royal Icing Supersized Megalomaniacal dream Palacio.
Imagine if Barnum and Bailey made Stately Homes.

Mafra Palace - could only get 1/3 in the shot!


Sadly, after all these centuries, there wasn't that much furniture left...but it still had a phenomenal hunting room and the king's chambers and the sanctuary! Not to mention the world famous Riding School. My goodness! Not so stately as say, Versailles or the other Palais of similar times but still so much larger in scale..rambling. This house could be the inspiration for the house in Great Expectations.

Don't go to Portugal and miss it!

Our last day, we did my favorite thing. We had lunch at the Hotel Lawrence in Sintra. Sintra was the only town in all of Portugal that Lord Byron liked and that is the hotel where he stayed. I'm with him!

Must do list:
Sintra Palace and hamlet
Cais Cais dinner
Mafra Palace
Riding lesson at Mafra Equestrian Center
Swimming
Golfing
Tennis
Shopping at Lidl

Must not do list:
Lisbon